Free Falling...

Let's start at the beginning. My husband and I met at a local bar in April of 2004. The sparks flew and unfortunately they were a little too bright and scared me away. You see I was used to dating the not so nice guy. The guy who makes you feel small, the guy who always leaves you hanging and never comes through. Honesty and loyalty from a guy were foreign to me. So, it took me a little time to realize that I may have finally found the nice guy I didn't know I was looking for and that I was totally blowing it. The good one was getting away and I was just letting him stroll off into the sunset. The problem is that when this realization hit, I was on vacation in London. Just about 3,500 miles away. But, after two long distance calls, first from England and then New York, I found my future husband waiting for me at the airport with roses in hand. The spark had reignited and from then on it never flickered again.


 It took only a month for us to get engaged. We were married at a local bed and breakfast on October 22, 2005.  After what felt like a fairy tale wedding, we were packed and ready to head towards Cancun for our honeymoon.  Unfortunately hurricane Wilma had other plans and our honeymoon was over before it began.  Obviously we were bummed.  But because my husband is the sweetheart that he is, he decided that it was time to get me that dog that I had causally mentioned so many times before with a wink and a nudge.  You know that dog that would not be allowed in the house, the one that would scratch our new maple floors, and destroy our home. It's the same dog that would later spend every second with us. That means snuggling on the couch, sleeping in our bed, and even chilling on our boat.  It's funny how things work out. Everyone thought we should name him Honeymoon, but since he is a bird dog, we settled on the name Ruger. 


Fast forward to March 27, 2012, a day I will never forget. This was the day I received a phone call from a specialist in Greensboro, telling me that, "Ruger's biopsy came back as malignant.......carcinoma......no cure......aggressive......on average four to six months to live.......if he's lucky maybe nine to twelve...." I felt as though someone had kicked me in the stomach. How could this be? He's been his usual happy hyper self, so this must be a mistake, right?? But the ball busting specialist informed me, to my utter despair, that it wasn't.  The tears began to roll and I began to panic.  


Looking back on that day and the days to follow, I realize that all I could focus on was the negative. I wasn't ready to give up my "Roo Man" and I'm still not, but I couldn't get past the gut wrenching feeling that sooner rather than later, he would be gone. I knew that it was out of our control and there was nothing anyone could do to change it. But this is the dog that has been here since the beginning of our marriage. A gentle soul who has stayed by our side through it all and has never asked for anything in return. A dog that is in every single memory I have of my life in Rustburg. I just felt so helpless and heart broken and that feeling was overwhelming. I felt as though we were free falling and there was nothing there to catch us.  


I asked myself, was it fair that his life was being taken away at a young age? No.  But more importantly, was it fair that I was mourning the living? No. It was at that moment that I decided that he was not going to go out like that, surrounded by grief instead of joy.  I am reminded of a quote by the greatest baseball player who ever lived, Babe Ruth. "Yesterday's home runs do not win today's games." It means that we have to keep pushing forward no matter what life throws at us.  So in the spirit of The Babe, we are pushing forward.  I am dedicating this blog and the bucket list to follow to brightest spot in our little family. The one who adds even more fuel to our fire, Ruger.